What does ‘friendliness’ mean?
It does NOT mean walking around saying ‘Have a nice day’ to everyone you meet, as if you were a robot. It doesn’t mean smiling at everyone you meet, because if that is what you are trying to do, the smile will just be on your lips and not in your eyes. It will be fake, and people will sense that. Usually what we call ‘friendliness’ is just an effort to manipulate people – I like you so you will like me. It is political in a way. And it comes from our minds.
Osho says that friendliness is a quality of the heart, and it is a seed we have inside us, but it does not get much chance to be developed. Instead, right from the moment we exit the womb our enmity is developed. In the very moment of birth fear is there, and fear creates enmity, not love. And then many other experiences throughout our life keep activating that source of enmity, hatred. We rarely have or use opportunities to develop the source of our friendliness, our love.
If you think about how you approach life you will see the truth of this. For example, when you are in new situations, meeting new people, do you tend to see them as potential enemies, threats, competition, wanting something from you, or wanting to take something you also want? Are you defensive? Are you suspicious – worried what they are thinking about you? Do you think they are feeling critical about you? Judging you? Or do you always assume that people are appreciating you, that they like you, respect you and want good for you.
Most people, if they are honest, are in the former category. Most people see the world as a place of dangers and threats, where you have to be on guard, where you have to protect yourself, watch out for yourself. Few see the world as a friendly place, a place where you can trust. You can just look at people getting into elevators – nobody says ‘hello’ – it is as if no-one else is there, everyone avoiding eye contact with anyone else.
This simply means that our distrust is stronger than our friendliness. It means we live in our head, the source of distrust, more than in our heart which is the source of trust. All our fears (I am not likeable), our beliefs (I will get hurt if I am vulnerable) and other obstacles (I can’t feel my heart) all live in the mind. Have you ever thought about how it is to go through life living like that?
How to develop the source of friendliness in yourself?
You have to give energy to the seed of friendliness in you, you have to activate it. You can do it by creating an atmosphere of friendliness around yourself, sending waves of friendliness to people around you. But this only works if you do it from the space of your heart, not as an exercise from your mind. In other words, it only works if you truly feel it, rather than just repeating friendly words in your head.
Now the important thing to remember about the heart is that it doesn’t have any goals, desires, or needs from others. It just feels friendly and loving because that is its nature. So in fact, all you have to do is connect to your heart and give it more space in your life.
And everyone has a heart, even you! We have just lost touch with it because all our education and conditioning went into developing our minds, and we were taught not to listen to our hearts. But it is always there, just waiting for you to remember that you are more than your mind.
In fact you are a lot more than your mind! Scientists say that the electromagnetic energy field that comes from our heart is 5,000 times more powerful than that produced by our heads. They say that the heart’s field permeates every cell in the body and radiates up to eight feet outside the body. Which is why we can feel ‘good vibes’ in someone. Theoretically the energy field of the heart travels even further, although its strength is too low to measure with current instruments.
So… we have a powerful untapped energy source in our hearts. We just have to learn how to use it.
Feel your heart radiating out through your senses.
In previous blogs I have explained how to connect to the heart. Now you can imagine gathering all the energy of your heart, all that loving energy, into your hands and eyes. Then practice sending that energy out in waves. Touch something, and feel that you are sending all the love in your heart through your hand.
It is easier to practice this with things or nature first. Once you have the feeling of it, then you can practice it with someone. They don’t need to know what you are doing. You don’t need to be serious (sincere, but not serious), and you don’t need to have any specially significant ‘look’. Just be natural, light and easy, as you are when you are in connection with your heart. All you have to do is have the feeling of gathering your whole heart in your hand, and then sense that it is flowing out through your hand when you touch something or someone. And let it all out, unconditionally. Don’t hold any back. The heart energy always flows unconditionally.
Similarly, when you look in someone’s eyes, feel that your heart is pouring out through your eyes. Again, it is better to practice this with nature first – less complicated! Remember that when you are in your heart, the feeling is of ‘allowing’ rather than ‘doing’. In other words it is a passive sensation. You are just resting inside yourself, breathing into your heart, and allowing the energy of your heart to do its own thing.
You will find many opportunities every day to practice this – use as many as you can. Instead of surfing the net or watching TV, go and give love to the moon or to a tree or a plant or animal. There are many small moments when you can be cultivating this source of friendliness inside you – and notice how it makes you feel when you do it. Really pay attention to how good it feels – remember, you are doing this for yourself, not for others.
